That Last Piece Isn’t For Eating!

Maybe my upbringing was different from yours. I was brought up in a southern home. That said, there was just a rule regarding food. The last piece isn’t to be touched – unless there was “just enough” and Daddy wanted it. But to be fair, that wasn’t a “Daddy makes the money, Daddy rules” sort of thing. My sister & I were little goblins with eyes bigger than our stomachs. We’d have taken the last piece of something and picked around it and ruined it for any adult. But beyond that, it was something instilled in us. No matter if everyone said they didn’t want that last piece- whether it be chicken, a plate of steaks or pizza- you still didn’t touch it. It was rude.

Fast forward to something I heard on the news today. In a town about an hour north of here there’s a buffet that offers crab legs. They’re said to be so good people stand in line for 20 minutes or more awaiting each batch. So the other day, the crab legs come out & some guy loads his plate and gets way more than his fair share. Standing behind him was a mom with hungry children in tow. Now I want to think the best of this mom for two reasons. One, she did what we’d all feel like doing; and two? Well when someone has the chutzpah to do what we all feel like doing then I say kudos to her.

Maybe it was having her kids behind her and forgetting she was in public, I don’t know. All I do know is that what happened next was solid GOLD. I wish I’d been there to see it. The mom takes a pair of tongs and whacks the man with them – yes she did! So to defend himself what does he do? He keeps his tongs in hand and wards off incoming blows and deals some of his own. Picture it. A modern day sword fight. With tongs. Over all you can eat crab legs.


Now let’s be clear. Sometimes the phrase “all you can eat” throws people off. It doesn’t mean take all you can while others are waiting for the exact same thing, right? It doesn’t mean your $10.99 is worth more than theirs and doesn’t mean you can have the “lion’s share” of one particular item. I have to think this particular gentleman did not have a strong southern Mom. I bet he ate the last piece of everything if someone said “No, I don’t want it” because in the south, 9 out of 10 times that isn’t true. We want it but we know better than to take it. Of course when this happens, when we say we don’t want it and someone actually does take? Inwardly we think “ill-raised heathen”. I’m just being straight with you. It’s what we do, say and think. Some won’t admit to it but let’s be honest. Southern people- you know you DO want that last piece but you just don’t. *Unless you’re at a buffet, no one is looking and then you totally take the last one because it’s a buffet and it’s up for grabs. But I digress..

The end result? Police were called, both parties admitted to having gotten away from themselves. The man [ill-raised heathen] was shown wearing a couple bandaids on his head so no one could view the blood where the mom had gotten him with the tongs(!). Both are being fined and the mom was charged with 3rd degree battery. Yes, with crab tongs. Probably not her weapon of choice, but she’s lucky that’s all she had or her hungry children might’ve wound up not only missing those crab legs but missing mom due to a prison stint.


So in summary, if you’re from the south you know this and if you aren’t just learn it. We love food. We LOVE food. Look at health statistics in the south and you’ll get it. But we also have manners. Very good ones. So just know that some southern mom may decide to discipline you should you show your ill-raised heathen manners in a buffet line. Also, in NO SITUATION WHATSOEVER should you take that last piece. Never. Ever. So you see that last piece of food…have reverence for it. Respect it. Because that piece is NOT for eating!

4 Comments on “That Last Piece Isn’t For Eating!”

  1. Classic KKC!! I always enjoy reading your stuff. We have a similar “voice.” Must be from our shared small-town Southern Baptist upbringing. BTW Blogging is easy. Finding the time to do it is hard.


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