Flying Barbie Really Doesn’t Fly

That’s the honest truth – if you listen.

The title of this comes from years ago when my daughter, age 5, wanted a “Flying Barbie”. The commercial showed Barbie flying and sang about her wonders. At the very end a man’s deep voice quickly said “Flying Barbie really doesn’t fly”. The next time we saw it I made sure she listened to the man at the end. She decided she didn’t want flying Babs anymore.

Ah, the disclaimer voice…that wise and knowledgeable voice saying words of wisdom you rarely hear. For example, you’re driving and hear you can lease a brand new expensive car at an unheard of low monthly payment. All you hear is that you can get a $60-75k car and drive it for 2 years or an extended 45,000 miles for $375 per month. All you see is yourself in that car. While you’re busy NOT listening, that wise voice is telling you: 1) $10,000 is due at at signing; 2) your credit score must be at least 950; and 3) it doesn’t include tax, tag, dealer fees, markups – basically any other charge they add. However, it’s said at 25 times normal speaking speed.

Now here’s the flip side. When it’s NOT sped up you almost wish it were. Yes, medicinal TV commercials, I’m looking at you. It was nice back in the day when medical companies couldn’t advertise. Then, when they got the initial green light, it was confusing because they couldn’t say what the medicine treated. You’d see a happy couple walking on the beach and it would end “Ask your doctor about [medicine name].” So they fixed it! Now the condition it treats is named but the possible side effects must be said IN FULL and SLOWLY. Given all possible side effects I don’t know why they bother. I saw one for acne medicine. One of the side effects was ANAL LEAKAGE. I am not making that up. Maybe it’s just me but I’ve got to say NO to that possibility. I’d rather have acne – at least you’re prepared for that. Try explaining why you have to leave work and change pants all of a sudden. Seriously, ANAL LEAKAGE?! I’d rather be called Pizza Face than Poopy Pants any day of the week. 

So my point is that both fast speaking disclaimer voice and slow speaking “possible side effects” voice are pointless.

So where would this voice of wisdom be useful? I’ve got an idea. When I’m at the…..

GROCERY STORE:

“Avoid when hungry. YOU are hungry. You will never eat that.”

“This is not recommended for people on a diet. YOU are on a diet.”

“Product knowledge is encouraged. YOU do not know what this is PLUS you cant even cook.”

“Over-stocking discouraged. YOU have 1,000 of the same type cleaners at home – none used.”

MALL:

“Not recommended for those under 5’10” in height. YOU are short.”

“Put that down unless you want to look pregnant. YOU are 5’2″and it would look all the more ridiculous as that ship has long since sailed for you anyway.”

“Possible side effects include an upset husband and low bank balance. YOU know one cute outfit shouldn’t cost $500.”

“These shoes should be avoided if you plan on activities such as standing or walking. YOU stand and walk all day.  YOU also have 15 cute yet barely worn shoes just like these – bought while not listening to me.”

In summary

1) Flying Barbie really doesn’t fly; 2) You can’t lease a $60-75k car for $375 per month; AND 3) Some acne medications can cause anal leakage.

You’ve been warned. 

1 Comments on “Flying Barbie Really Doesn’t Fly”

  1. You are so right! I always hated those commercials that made you girls go crazy for something! If
    you read any side effect, there are crazy ones for everything! Anal leakage is one nobody wants to mess with!! Love you!

    Like

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